The Days Are Just Packed

***The following blog is a collaboration of Jenny and Linny randomly fighting over the key-board to catch y'all up on our last few weeks***The title of this blog is inspired by Cory's Calvin & Hobbe book that he keeps by his bed***

Linny here: first and foremost, I'd like to address some certain soft-core porn pictures that have been "leaked" on to the internet. Jenny and I were sharing a special moment and, at the time, we both thought it would be really classy to commemorate the experience on film. Because that's what we are, classy girls. Clearly Jenny has decided that she is ok with whoring out our intimacy in order to gain media exposure. She swears to me that the timing has nothing to with the fact our new single "I gave u my heart, you left me with rugburns" is about to drop. I'll let our public decide whether or not to buy THAT one. (i mean the excuse not the single, of course they're gonna buy the single, the fact that Lindsay Lohan hit the top of the charts pretty much guarantees it....she's not even blonde.)

Jenny here: Been a while (I guess I don't feel comfortable enough to write blog entries on work time when we are being paid by tax payer dollars the way Linny does) but I thought we should catch up with our last two weeks of debauchery. Let's start it off with our Retro themed Trailer Trash Fest 2006. The WSB* (see end of blog) were kind enough to grace us with their presence for a couple minutes...I mean hours...but it was all good, we love to see them they are welcome any time....in Linny's bed. Speaking of bitch, oops I mean which...both she and I will now take a gander at some of her predictions for that night and see what came to fruition:

1. The Hurl - Suprisingly enough, considering how amateur our roommates are, there were no upchuck eye witnessess...although the bathroom did have a hint of heave by the end of the night. We haven't had a chance to check the spy cams yet...in time.

2. The Cry - Of course there was a cry session...how can there not be when 8 girls and one male whore all live and work together. Even with that Weibo Ludwig beard, people still seem to fawn over him. The rest will be explained further in the cat fight category.

3. The Catfight - Coming from St. Albert...I am well versed in all forms of female cuntiness. It starts with the "bitchy one-over look" that starts up at the face and disapprovingly passes down their entire body....taking in their unfortunate fashion decisions and the fact that their thighs are way fatter than mine-i mean the bitchy jealous girl's. It then proceeds to straight-out unabashed cattiness. Let's just say, there were looks exchanged, drinks spilled, secrets told, and physical violence. And that's not even how the two of us treated each other that night!

4. Hilarious Hookups- In all my years of experience, I have realized that dressing up in a costume makes people want to fuck. maybe it's the fact that they both look like complete idiots and are looking for solace, or maybe it's the fact that when im in a costume i'm usually drunk. Or maybe it's the fact that i just like to fuck alot (says Linny). So not surprisingly their was a hookup. Let's Start with the beautiful Alison and Thresher's Friend in the red pants. (whose name eludes us) The evening started out well for pass-boy #2, he seemed to possess the same cocky, whorish qualities that we have come to know and love in Mr. Darren Thresher..plus he was wearing shiny red pants. It didn't take long for the tonsil hockey to begin. Face-off started around 10 o 'clock. His sudden breakaway at the bar made it look as though he had it in the bag. The Cheers were starting and the hats were being printed when in the dying minutes of the game Cousin Nancy came in with a last minute interception of Kim-Chee noodles. It was all over for red pants...he was forced to do the walk of shame alone back to the other trailer. In post game comments Alison was quoted as saying, "At first I was into it 'cause there was nothin' else to do...but I really like Kim-Chee." Lesson Learned: instant noodles hold more of an attraction than boys from the crowsnest pass (A lesson Jenny may have benefitted from knowing last year)

--->aside from hookups, Linny's brother seemed to be in love with everyone...he's never invited back!


And Now on to the Wedding of Miss Christine and Matt the WOP Grillo.
For years Lindsey and I have been wishing for a West Glacier, Montana wedding...not ours of course, just one we could drink at with our friends. We were willing to crash one in the canyon, but lucky for us, our good friend Christine had a shotgun engagement last spring and held the wedding in the Dub-G last weekend. Props to Rye-Guy for renting a magnum to get us down there in style...and of course props to Linny for packing the candy man pouch/g-string and garter belt right on the top of her suitcase in full view for the border guard to find it upon inspection. So much for diplomatic immunity.

Upon arrival, we got drunk. The next day, we made Rye-Guy drive us an hour up a gravel road to get to a really good bakery, before proceeding to the wedding ceremony and getting drunk again at approx. 3:30 pm. Drunken phone calls were made back to Calgary (sorry for waking Napzilla, but it was time for your 4:00 sushi anyways). We then cruised over to the reception that started at about 5:00. Shortly after dinner was finished, and the fish that was in our centrepiece vase was as equally drunk as the rest of us, Jenny and Rye-Guy seemed to have fucked off....literally. My first thought was, "brutal! now they're having sex in the back seat that I have to drive home on." My second thought was, "sweet! now they're having sex in the back seat that i have to drive home on." Turns out it was actually in the tent that they set up in the living room inches away from fellow travel alberta counselor Kyle's parents. Maybe it was because Rye-Guy wore Jenny out, or maybe because she so wasted (probably the latter) but they were completely MIA for the speeches and cake-cutting. When I walked in and i found them, they were both passed-out still dressed sleeping in seperate beds. After taking a serious 5, they pulled themselves together and were in full-force for the after-party at the Kildahl Family Formal that took place at the Dew Drop Bar. Shady as Corona Eric is...he puts on a good party, complete with an 18 piece band. And after the party was the after-party: Rye -Guy and I were pretty much sobered up after our 3 hour siesta, Linny however was still hammered. I haven't got confirmation, but I have reason to believe that she went on an all night handle-bar moustache ride. Enough said.

All in all it's been a great couple weeks and a great summer in general. I'm leaving Linny, Jes, and the trailer park life for Vancity in the next few days...but don't you worry....the blog will live on. Lindsey and I plan to publish our uncensored love letters to each other via this blog...so stay tuned. There's alotta Simple Life to come.

*WSB* -Weak Sauce Boys refers to the collective group of Cory, Newman, Richard, and Wayne and how they are finally showing their age.